The Discovering Alcoholic Hosts Special Edition Thamkrabok Podcast
The Discovering Alcoholic website is hosting a special edition of my addiction and recovery podcast. In this episode you can hear more about my experiences at Thamkrabok temple. You can find this podcast by visiting the Discovering Alcoholic website here.
My Experience at Wat Rampoeng;Vipisanna Meditation Retreat in Chiang Mai
Seven years ago I attended a Vipisanna meditation retreat at Wat Rampoeng in Chiang Mai. I briefly mentioned my experiences of this temple in my book Dead Drunk, but I just thought I’d go into a bit more detail here. A lot can change in seven years and maybe the routine at the temple differs now – here is what I experienced at that time.
This retreat at Wat Rampoeng lasted 26 days. My experience of meditation up until this time was sporadic; I’d meditated a lot during my teens but hadn’t meditated regularly since that time. I had a secret reason for wanting to do this retreat – I was sort of expecting a miracle. For years my life had become unbearable because of an alcohol addiction; it was my goal to beat my alcoholism at this Thai temple.
I had read that Rampoeng temple practiced Vipisanna meditation, but I had no real idea as to what this actually entailed. Twenty years previously I’d studied the subject quite intensively, but now had forgotten almost everything. I had spent most of the years since my teens drunk and worried that my mind was too destroyed to be able to do much other than think about the booze.
Wat Rampoeng was challenging from the first day. I had managed to wean myself of the booze a few days previously so the worst of my withdrawal symptoms had disappeared; my head was still a bit fuzzy though. The first morning was devoted to learning the basics of Vipasanna meditation; we were taught a sitting technique and a form of walking meditation. The instructions were simple enough for even my muddled brain to handle. We spent the rest of the afternoon just practicing what we had learnt.
Over the next few days at Wat Rampoeng I was able to build up the hours spent meditating; by the end of the first week I was practicing twelve hours a day. The temple day started early at five o’clock, and almost the whole time was devoted to just doing the practice. Even though we weren’t ordained as monks we were still expected to follow many of the rules that the monks follow. We weren’t allowed to eat after midday, there was no entertainment, no books were allowed – not even meditation books, and talking was discouraged. Almost all the rules made sense including the one about food; one of the reasons that Buddhist monks don’t eat after midday is that a full stomach makes meditation difficult.
Each of us lay guests were provided with a kuti – a small room where we could sleep. These rooms were very basic, but this was obviously to discourage distraction. The food was provided for free by the local people who donated it to the temple as a way to make merit. In fact everything in the temple was free as Wat Rampoeng doesn’t charge and only accepts donations.
Each day we were expected to go visit the head monk; this was an experienced meditation master who always gave advice in a friendly and encouraging way. I would always approach him with the fear that the crazy things that would happen to my thinking during my hours in meditation would shock or amaze him; it never did either and he would always just smile and say, “this is normal”.
By the last week of the Vipissana meditation retreat in Chiang Mai I was meditating for fourteen hours a day, and couldn’t imagine how I could do even a second more than this amount; this was when the head monk explained to me about the ‘determination’. For the next three days I would be expected to meditate constantly without sleep. I was to stay in my room and the only time that I could leave would be for ten minutes for a daily interview with the meditation master. My meals would be left outside my kuti, and I wasn’t to speak to anyone. I was told to not even bother washing; just meditate. They removed the bed from my room.
The next 72 hours was the strangest period in my life. I just kept on going walking meditation for an hour and then sitting for an hour. All sorts of things happened in my mind; some pleasurable and some upsetting. I had the most vivid memories of my early childhood, that is was hard not to get absorbed in them; the monk warned me though, to not allow anything to distract me. The nights were long and the days were fast. During the last few hours my mind felt a wonderful lightness. Then the determination was over, and I would be leaving the temple the next day.
For the next few days my mind felt wonderful and free; the world was so much simpler. Unfortunately it didn’t last as I once again drinking. I didn’t manage to quit alcohol for good until two years later at another temple in Thailand; still I really give the meditation retreat in Chiang Mai a lot of credit. It created a taste in me for mental freedom that once tried could never be forgotten. If you are thinking of doing a meditation retreat in Thailand then make sure you check this one out. You can found out more details by visiting their website here. They also have ten day if you can’t manage the 26 day retreat – or at least they did have.
The Addict Decides When They Have Reached Rock Bottom
A big concern of mine during the last years of my addiction was if I’d reached rock bottom yet. For a long time I felt convinced that it was only by reaching this mythical bottom that I’d be able to quit addiction for good. I had heard plenty of recovered addicts over the years who claimed that it was only by arriving at this point they were able to escape addiction for good. I believed them; I still do but not in the same way as before. What I never realised was that it was up to me to decide when this rock bottom had been reached. I was waiting for something spectacularly bad to happen so that I could get better; not understanding that this was the most stupid idea ever. I had already lost more than any sane person would allow; if I continued on that path it would have led me to the grave – I decided that I’d had enough.
We decide when we have had enough with alcohol or drugs and there is no need for things to reach any particular stage of desperation. We lose as much as we decide we want to lose and there is no advantage in losing everything before we become sober –it just means more of a mess to clean up afterwards. To people who have never been addicted this can seem so obvious, but it isn’t to the person in the midst of addiction – at least it wasn’t for me.
If you are currently dealing with addiction and feel that you need to reach some special rock bottom you are playing a dangerous game. Your rock bottom could be death and there is no recover from this – most addicts will die from their abuse unless they stop. All you need to do is decide that you have lost enough already and begin rebuilding your life from now. There is not going to be anyone judging your eligibility to be on the recovery path – it is not a ‘who has lost the most’ competition.
Addiction to Yaa Baa in Thailand
It seems like every time I look at the Thai news there is a video clip of smiling police proudly exhibiting a table full of Yaa Baa tablets with a guilty looking man in handcuffs standing uncomfortably beside them. These guys hardly ever look like criminal masterminds but more like addicts who are out of their depth and trying to feed a habit. Despite the frequent crackdowns though, Yaa Baa addiction remains a significant problem in Thailand. A few years ago there was a major operation to put an end to what was seen as a threat to society. During that time many drug dealers began turning up dead all over the country; 2,500 people died during that particular outburst of bullet-flu.
Yaa Baa is Thai for ‘crazy medicine’; its more technical name is methamphetamine. It was once known as Yaa Maa which means ‘horse medicine’ because it allowed people to work like animals. For a few years truck driver could drive night and day while taking this drug and it was only when they began going on killing sprees and jumping off buildings that the public began to worry about the drug. Now it is completely illegal and called crazy medicine.
Yaa Baa leaves you feeling disassociated and full of paranoia. I previously sought treatment at Wat Thamkrabok for an alcohol addiction; while there I met quite a few patients who had suffered permanent brain damage because of this drug. It isn’t just the Yaa Baa that is the problem, but the fact that many users also use solvents to come down off it. Yaa Baa mixed with paint thinner car really fry your brain -it is the cause of a lot of suicides and murders.
Thanks to temples like Wat Thamkrabok there is hope for those who have developed problems with this drug in Thailand. If people can be treated before they do permanent damage to their brains, or get too involved in crime, there can be the chance of recovery. Yaa Baa addiction in Thailand seems to be worse in the big urban areas. It is tempting to blame it all on the breakdown of traditional Thai society, but that seems too simplistic an answer. People fall into drug use for all types of reasons, but the important thing is to provide a way out of this hellish life.
Addiction and Recovery Podcast 32 – I Will Never Drink Again
I feel confident telling people that I’ll never drink again. Some recovery programs argue that you should never say ‘never’, but I don’t agree with this.
Press Play Below to Listen
The joys of Dealing with Thai Neighbours
When you live in a country like Thailand it usually means having to adapt your lifestyle if you want to fit in – or at least not stick out too much. I still consider myself a guest in Thailand even though I’ve been here a few years. I do my best to respect the local norms and I do try not to rock the boat too much; some days are easier than others when it comes to this. One of the biggest challenges for me since moving to Thailand has been dealing with Thai neighbors. This has not been because my Thai neighbors are unfriendly; not a bit of it. The problem that I have with them is that they just don’t understand privacy like we do back in the west. As I say, it is up to me to change and not Thailand, but this is an issue that causes me great discomfort sometimes.
The first time I really noticed the liberal attitude that my Thai neighbors have to privacy was during the four and a half years living in my wife’s village. I quickly found that not only was my presence in the village the source of much comment and interest, but it also meant that my living room took on the feel of a drop-in centre. Where we lived didn’t have a proper door but instead had shutters; once they were open it was like we lived in a shop with Thai neighbors dropping by for a chat. Some mornings I would beg my wife to leave the shutters down for another hour in the morning. She always patiently explained to me that if we didn’t open our doors at seven then the whole village would be commenting on how lazy we were; this didn’t bother me one bit, but it did worry my wife. At night when the shutters were finally pulled down again it would feel like coming off stage after a busy show.
I remember one time waiting for weeks to have satellite television installed in our home. I hadn’t watched any English language TV in months so I was really excited. It happened that day that one of the young monks dropped by for a visit. I actually liked it when the monks called by because Buddhist philosophy is one of my favorite subjects. This particular monk had told me from the beginning that he had no real interest in Buddhism and had only ordained for the free education. This day he had not come to exchange views on esoteric Buddhism but only to play football on my Playstation with his younger brother. He stayed there for six hours even though I was itching to try out my new satellite channels. I was fuming and dropped every subtle hint in the book, but my wife would not allow me to ask him to leave. You just don’t tell people that they have out stayed their welcome in Thailand; causing someone to lose face like this is a big no-no.
It must seem to Thai people that we westerners are an unfriendly lot sometimes. I don’t know how much truth there is in this, but it just feels unnatural for me to be around people all the time. I value my personal space; it really feels like my sanity requires it. Maybe it is the west that has it wrong.
In some ways I really admire the people of Thailand for begin so open with each other and not having the same barriers between people that we do in the west. This is not to say that all Thai people share the same view about neighbors. There are likely many Thai people who are as troubled by overly intrusive Thai neighbors as I am.
Now that we live away from the village and in a city it doesn’t mean that dealing with my Thai neighbors is always easy. At least now we have a front door we can close. Sometimes this isn’t enough and any stranger walking by might decide to drop in for a chat. This can still take a lot of getting used to but I’m getting better at it. My son is only three and already has friends visiting; I expect this will become a lot more frequent when he starts school -luckily I now have an office to escape to.
Interview With Matt Cooper ( The Last Word)
An interview that I had with Matt Cooper was played on Irish radio this week. This was to promote my book Dead Drunk. I started off a bit nervously but the interviewer was great. Matt Cooper is one of the top radio celebrities in Ireland so it was a real honour to be interviewed by him. If anyone wants to listen they can find it on iTunes for the next week (Click Here). It can be found on the 25th August – part 3 at the 9:33 minute mark. You can listen to it online or download it if you have iTunes.
You Can Find More of my past radio and TV interviews here
Stereotypes in Thailand Can Bring Out the Worst in People
I remember hearing a story a few years ago that really shocked me. This elderly gent was walking around Chiang Mai with a young Thai woman beside him. A western female approached the couple and loudly accused him of being a dirty pedophile. The man was innocently walking around with his daughter and he had to put up with this type of abuse – imagine how he felt and imagine how his daughter felt. I’m sure that this is not an isolated innocent and it really is a shame. Can I expect that one day somebody will approach me when I’m out with my son and accuse me of the same? I’ve no idea how I’d react to that but probably not very well.
One thing that I’ve always found a bit unsettling living in Thailand is the abundance of negative stereotypes towards western men. I’m not really talking here about the negative way that Thai people might view us (this does happen) but with the way we view each other. We seem to now live in a very black and white world and we like to label people as if there was no such a thing as individuality – there is good and bad and no inbetween. This means that every Thai women with a western man is on the game and every western man is viewed as a sex tourist – no excuses. Even those people who are otherwise quite liberal in their views can be very unfair when it comes to stereotypes in Thailand. We can make our minds up about people even though we really know nothing about them – don’t get me wrong, I’m not immune to doing this type of thing myself. It is just a bit sad that we always suspect the worst and never the best.
I suppose that there is nothing we can do about negative stereotypes; it’s just the way things are. This is something that I want to stop doing so much myself though because it is probably not the healthiest way to deal with the world. The reality is that the people who are probably most deserving of suspicion and negative opinions are the ones who never even make it onto our radar. Those like that respectable woman in England this week who shoved a neighbour’s cat in a dumpster becuse she thought nobody was looking.
Luang Por Teean and His Dynamic Meditation
Luang Por Teean (หลวงพ่อเทียน) is a Thai monk who is probably less well known to many of us westerners. He promoted a very interesting form of meditation called Mahasati or dynamic mediation which may be of use to those of us who claim that we just can’t stay still long enough to meditate. This might be particularly useful for people newly sober and unable to concentrate on anything for long. I’ve tried to use this technique in the past and found it very useful; one day I’d like to pursue it further. I previously wrote a couple of articles about Luang Por Teean for another website; I will be using a lot of that information again here.
The first time I heard about the dynamic meditation method of Luang Por Teean (Luang Por means respected father in Thai) was about seven years ago. There was a monk at a temple in Hua Hin Thailand who tried to teach me the technique. At the time I was struggling to use meditation as a means to control my alcohol addiction. I had previously completed a month long intensive meditation retreat in the north of Thailand and for a short while my mind felt at ease. I drank after a few days though, and my thinking was in turmoil again; in fact it was worse than ever because I had tasted what it was like to have a mind that was free. I was desperate to stop drinking again and so spent a few months turning up at temples drunk and looking for help.
It was during one of these drunken temple visits I met this monk who took pity on me and tried to teach me the meditation technique of Luang Por Teean. I visited a few times and at the end of each visit he would ask me to return sober the next day; I never did so my drunken meditation lessons didn’t progress very well. I was also full of drunken arrogance and believed this dynamic meditation method was too bizarre, and a bit beneath me. I wanted to just practice the meditation technique that had been taught to me during my stay at the retreat in Chiang Mai. I didn’t want all the hand waving that seemed to go with the dynamic meditation technique of Luang Por Teean.
Now a few years later I can look back at that time and cringe; I must have looked like such a hopeless case to those monks who were unfortunate enough to have to deal with me. My main regret though is that I didn’t take the chance to learn the dynamic meditation technique more fully. I have since grown to appreciate that it really is an effective way to meditate despite the fact that it looks a bit bizarre when you first see people doing it.
The dynamic meditation technique of Luang Por Teean aims to build high levels of concentration (sati). It does this by focusing on certain hand movements. Many meditation techniques focus on the breath or a sound, but this technique focuses on these slight movements. You can perform dynamic meditation in the lotus position or you can do it sitting in a chair or even standing.
Luang Por Teean is bit of an oddity within the list of famous Thai monks because he didn’t ordain until quite late in life. By the time he put on the robes he had already raised a family, and if you believe many of his followers he was already well on his way to being an Arahant (an enlightened one).
Luang Por Teean was born in Loei in 1911. His family were poor so he became a novice for ten years in order to receive and education; it was during this time that he developed his interest in mediation. After school he went back to work on the farm and eventually got married and started a family. He never lost his interest in meditation though and as he got older he would attend regular retreats. It was while at one of these retreats that he experienced a spiritual breakthrough. The meditation master gave him a practice to perform but Luang Por got a bit bored and started experimenting with different things. It was by doing this that he discovered dynamic meditation, and he almost immediately found this to be a far more effective way to mediate.
Luang Por Teean was so moved by his new discover that he asked his family’s permission to ordain as a monk. This was granted and he spent the rest of his life teaching the technique to other people. He died in 1988 but there are still many Thai monks who still teach his meditation technique.
You can find out more about the meditation technique of Luang Por Teean here
The photograph of Luang Por Teean was obtained from Wikimedia
How to Avoid Relapse in Recovery From Addiction (video)
Many addicts fear that they will relapse; this is always something we choose to do (see video below)
