Yes You Can Stay Sober Without a Support Group
I once believed that a support group like AA was a must for anyone serious about breaking away from addiction. My views have changed. I now know that a good life in recovery is possible even if you decide to fly solo. Of course going it alone will not work for everyone. I’m of the opinion that no addiction solution is going to work for everyone.
My Staunch Support for Recovery Groups
I managed to stay sober for 2 years during my twenties with the help of AA. I’ll always be thankful for the support this group gave me, but my enthusiasm for the organisation verged on the extreme. I then believed any recovering drunk who was not a member of the fellowship wasn’t really sober. I now almost blush at this arrogance. I just could not imagine a successful recovery for people who followed a different path than mine. I was like one of those overly religious folk who are convinced that whoever doesn’t follow their interpretation of the way is damned to eternal torment.
During this time I lived in a Dry House – this is a step down from a rehab and you stay there long-term. I shared this home with five other ex-drunks and most of my housemates had no interest in AA. I spent many hours trying to convert them to the fellowship. I felt certain that if they didn’t go it was only a matter of time before they relapsed. At the time I genuinely thought that I was helping. I wanted their life in recovery to be as wonderful as mine.
Despite my feelings of smugness way it was I who had the shaky recovery. I ended up drinking again; even though I attended meetings every day for almost two years. I am not blaming AA for this. It was my decision after all. My point is that belonging to a recovery support group is no guarantee of anything. In fact, I would go so far as to say that some people do very well without them. In my own case sobriety feels stronger and more enjoyable than it ever did when I attended meetings every day. I have more than doubled my time sober by doing it alone than I did as part of a group. So for me the idea of a group being necessary has been completely disproved .
More Than One Way to Stay Sober
I am not trying to be disrespectful to any members of AA or any other support group here. I believe there is plenty of room for all methods of recovery. I would like to suggest though, that while our own recovery method may be the best one for us, it does not necessarily mean that it is the best one for everyone else. I would never dissuade somebody from joining a recovery support group, but I also wouldn’t try and talk them out of going it alone. If it works it works and that is all that should matter at the end of the day.
I am happy in my recovery and really don’t feel that I’m missing out on anything by not belonging to a recovery support group. It is possible to make it alone and for some of us it may even be preferable.
Nicely said. I just celebrated 2 years while I don’t work the AA Program to it’s fullest, I will have to say that an AA meeting is one of the best places on Earth to stay sober for an hour to an hour and half however the Program just wasn’t helping me stay sober, I just haven’t found my nitch there and might never. AA is not the only option any longer; we’ve learn more ways to stay sober than to admit to being insane and ripping our own hearts out by rehashing every little mistake and failure in our lives. I just haven’t had that so called spiritual awaking and I night never have it but that doesn’t mean I can’t stay sober and recover from my faults.
There are a growing number of options for people in recovery. I am glad that we seem to be moving away from the ‘one size fits all’ approach.
Exactly. One size doesn’t fit all in recovery. We all are different, we drank/drink/use for different reasons and just because what fits one person does not mean it’s going to fit me or you for that matter.
I think our view of addiction is changing. Hopefully this will mean that more people will get the help they need.
good luck with your sobriety glad you have found peace hope you found freedom. 🙂
Thanks sillygirl. I have a lot more mental freedom, but I also have a wife, a son, and a dog nowadays – this has reduced my personal freedom 🙂
Recovery is the steps not the meetings
No, recovery, as Paul says, is the point at you realise that staying sober will always be better than drinking/using. The road there for me was honesty. For You it is the steps.
I am both a member of a support group AND a drug and alcohol counselor with the knowledge of addiction and multiple paths of recovery. Upon reading your book you simply found the exact same path to a spiritual awakening as all of us and practice doing good and helping others which is our code. We do not however EVER believe we have the monopoly on recovery and it simply is the program that works for us. There are many other paths to recovery including but not limited to Motivational Interviewing, Choice Therapy, Family Therapy, Aversion Therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and many others. Each method has its own number of success but the 12 step approach still has the highest success rate of all other forms of recovery and as such as been adopted as the single best evidence based best practice in the United States and many other governments throughout the world. The problem with substance abuse and use is that millions of the people in treatment each year are forced there by outside issues and of course anyone will get sober on any form of therapy or treatment if they simply want it enough.
At the end of my addiction I was desperate to stop. I was living in rural Thailand so my only contact with the recovery community was online. Almost every web community (with the exception of one) I joined was full of AA members who would tell me that they offered the only solution. On numerous occasions I was told that it would be better for me to keep on drinking until I was ready for AA. At the time I believed my liver to be damaged so the advice to keep drinking wasn’t appreciated. I lost hope because I began to believe that perhaps AA was the only solution. Luckily I found an alternative before it was too late. I do believe that willingness was the key to my recovery, but I also know that AA would not have worked for me. Members of this group love to say how doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results is a sign of madness – this same logic equally applies to people who are told to keep going back to AA after multiple failed attempts with the program. As you say, there are many paths to recovery but my main worry is that these other paths are not being promoted heavily enough.
That is not true 12 step programs have no more of a success rate than any other program. The fact that you would say this without any proof other than what 12 step fanatics have said, just shows that you have no business being a drug and alcohol counselor.
Hi Mara, I have not claimed to be a drug or alcohol counselor. I just offer my own opinions and people can take them or leave them.
hey paul it was clear that mara was talking to the original postee no one ever said you were a drug or alcohol counsler and just because you quit using substances to get high you clearly are still getting high on yourself
Very well said Paul…I too have decided to quit AA. I had been in the program, off & on, since 2004. In the town I moved to, where I’m at now, I could not find a sponsor and no one seemed to care. I found out from a member that this town, in the AA community here, don’t like relapsers and I get treated like I’m a stranger. So I had decided to do this on my own will. I have been sober now for close to 40 days!! I haven’t had 40 days in over 3 years now!! I pretty much know what I got to do to stay sober (I don’t hangout, don’t go to bars anymore, exercise more often, don’t associate myself with folks who do drink or I used to drink with anymore,& started going to church again)…These things are what is REALLY working for me, not AA.
Hi Leana, you do sound positive and congratulations on 40 days. I don’t have any problem with AA, but I know that it does not work for all of us. I had to give up being an addict in order to find success. This meant completely letting go of the idea that I’ve any excuses to relapse – there are no excuses. I also completely let go of the idea that there was (or ever could be) even the slightest bit of happiness left in addiction. That part of my life is over.
I’ve also found spirituality to be of immense value to me in recovery so your decision to start going to church sounds like a wise move.
The thing about going it alone is that it means that we can no longer blame anything else if we mess up – we are taking responsibility for our sobriety and putting it completely in our own hands. I really hope that this continues to work out for you just like it has for me.