Why Does the Foreign Teacher Always Smell Like Peppermint – Part 3

Teaching English is a Piece of Piss

By my second day in Bangkok I had two job offers – I took them both. I probably could have found work on my first day in the city, but predictably I ended up on a pub crawl. People had told me that finding work as an English teacher was going to be easy, but I felt impressed all the same. I had Tracy (the girl who first suggested teaching in Thailand) to thank for the first job. She was working in a private language school in Seacon Square; this outfit was so desperate for native English speakers that they offered me work without even meeting me – Tracy passed on the message. It was only a few hours in the evenings but it better than nothing.

The second job involved slightly more legwork; I had to actually meet a representative and answer some questions. It was company called EDD (EDD is not the real name because I don’t want to get into any trouble). Anyway, EDD is the biggest private provider of English teaching in Thailand with branches in most cities – they also teach Chinese language and Computers.

The marathon drinking session the previous day hadn’t been a complete waste of time because I’d met somebody who suggested contacting EDD. I have no idea who that person was or what else we talked about; all I know is that there was a badly written note (my handwriting) in my pocket with the EDD contact details on it. The discovery of this infromation the next morning seemed fortuitous so I decided to follow up on it. I walked into the EDD branch in Siam Square; even though what I really wanted to do was to find a bar for a hangover cure. A really nice Thai woman asked me a few questions and hired me on the spot.

Paul the Professional

Even though I’d a bad hangover, and probably stank of stale booze, I did dress up for the interview with EDD. I’d even stuck on a tie. I’d asked some of the other teachers about the dress code for interviews in Thailand and the usual response was “wear what you want”. In the years that followed this turned out to be de rigueur for the foreign teachers to dress casually for interviews. I’ve seen people turn up looking for work at schools while wearing hardly anything more than swimming clothes. I do take employment seriously and this is why I’d dressed up even when others said it wasn’t needed.

I actually have quite high standards when it comes to work. I took my job as a nurse seriously and always tried to act in a professional manner. It might surprise people (or more likely worry them) to know that somebody with alcohol problems could have being allowed to work as a health professional. The reality is that there are many doctors and nurses with alcohol problems. The only good news is that most of us are able to prevent it from affecting our work too much.

In some ways working as a health care professional gives you a sense of entitlement when it comes to drinking. It is easy to blame excessive alcohol intake on the stresses of the job – there is a lot of stress. I spent plenty of my time socializing with other nurses and doctors and a lot of us drank heavily; these people may not have abused alcohol as much as I did, but some of them weren’t too far behind.

I know I’m blowing my own trumpet here, but I’d even say that I was a competent nurse. I worked a lot in trauma and this seemed to suit me. I had no problem taking on the responsibility and worked calmly no matter what was happening around me. If my son even cut his finger it would stress the hell out of me, but as a nurse I could function effectively even in middle of a bloodbath – not everyone can do this. If somebody criticises my writing it can make me feel like crap, but as a nurse there is a lot of harsh talk. During an emergency situation there is no time to be nice or to have hurt feelings. Consultants will shout and if you take it personally you need to get another job. On more than one occasion I’ve seen student nurses and junior doctors break down in tears because of things that were said to them. As a nurse though it is just part of the job – all part of the adrenalin rush.

After a few years working in Thailand it became obvious that what you wear to an interview does matter here. The Thais expect applicants to look respectable, and feel offended when people don’t make an effort.

Denial Makes Me Brave

The nice woman from EDD wasn’t going to throw me in at the deep end; she was going to give me an opportunity to observe some teachers in action first. So off I went to the EDD branch in Ladprao for my first class observation. To be honest I wasn’t expecting much. The foreign teachers I’d seen on Koh Chang seemed a bit hopeless; this allowed me the arrogance of thinking, ‘if those Muppets can teach how hard can it be?’ I was in for a shock. I observed two classes with two highly skilled foreign teachers. They somehow had mastery over the students. I had no idea how they were achieving this; what they were doing looked about as strange to me as an alien controlling a spaceship. By the end of these class observations I realised two things; you needed skills to teach, and that I didn’t have those skills.

Bangkok felt a gloomier place when I walked out of my last observation class that day. I knew the sensible thing to do would be to go straight to a travel agent and buy the cheapest flight I could find back to Europe. Instead I hit a bar. It is common knowledge that alcohol abuse can lead to denial, but what a lot of folk don’t realise is that sometimes this denial can feel like a blessing. You can kid yourself more easily with booze in your system – the impossible becomes possible. I wanted my teaching dream back and alcohol could help me with that.

I ended up drinking near Nana Plaza; I think it was called the Bamboo Bar.While there I got talking to a couple of guys who had been teaching in Thailand for years. I shared my worries about not having enough skills to teach; I mentioned what happened during the observation class. My new drinking buddies cheered me up by claiming that they knew the two guys I’d seen that day in Ladprao and that both of them were “suck-ups and complete knobheads”. As the beers flowed these two old teaching pros reassured me that “teaching was a piece of piss” and that all I had to do was keep the kids entertained.

After closing time we hit an outdoor place called Charlie’s Bar. I was due to start two new jobs the next day, but I justified the late night because I was picking up so much good advice – at least that is how it felt at the time anyway. One of the guys told me that the best thing to was to find the leader of the class and make him or her like me. My other mentor disagreed and said that the best idea was to find the tough guy in the group and make him lose face in front of the rest of the class. They even told me how I could use lessons fillers like hangman last a whole class. It was after two am by the time I staggered away from the bar and don’t remember anything else after this until waking up the next morning – I presume I went straight back to my room.

The Story so Far

Why Does The Foreign Teacher Always Smell Like Peppermint? – Part 1
Why Does The Foreign Teacher Always Smell Like Peppermint? – Part 2
Why Does the Foreign Teacher Always Smell Like Pepperment? – Part 3
Why Does the Foreign Teacher Always Smell Like Peppermint – Sleepy Thai Girl -Part 4
Why Does the Foreign Teacher Always Smell Like Peppermint – How Dare They Not Like Me – Part 5
Why Does the Foreign Teacher Always Smell Like Peppermint – Beers, Jokes, and Gameboys – Part 6
Why Does the Foreign Teacher Always Smell Like Peppermint Part 7 –The Thailand Paperwork Nightmare
Why Does the Foreign Teacher Always Smell Like Peppermint – Bad Reputation Part 8