The Great Highs and Lows of 2010
2010 is almost over so I thought I’d take this opportunity to look back on the year. It will be 12 months I’ll never forget for a number of reasons. The high point of 2010 was definitely seeing my book Dead Drunk hit the shops. I was back in Ireland to promote the launch (you can read about this here). Getting a book published was a lifelong dream of mine; it will be a memory to cherish.
There were also some other nice things happening in my life this year. My son is now starting to develop into a right little character and he makes me laugh every day. I’m in the privileged position of being able to see him grow because I work from home. This year also saw the launch of my website paulgarrigan.com back in June. It was other people who suggested having one proper website rather than a hodgepodge of blogs. It has actually worked out well and having this website has given me the opportunity to get to know some really great people.
The Low Point of 2010
The low point of 2010 occurred in July with the death of my father. This was the most important person in my life and my biggest influence. When something good happened, or more likely when I did something bad, it would always be thoughts of what he’d think that would enter my mind. For the last years of his life we had a rocky relationship (mostly my fault and my drinking didn’t help), but I always knew he loved me. Becoming a father meant that I could understand him a lot better – he said that would happen.
My reaction to my father’s death has been strange; I just felt a bit numb. It was expected. He had a massive heart attack a couple of years ago while out walking. His heart stopped and by the time they started CPR there was already a lot of brain damage – he was only 60. At the time nobody was expecting him to survive and I returned to Ireland to bury him. He hung on for another couple of years, but it wasn’t really him. It felt strange mourning him even though he wasn’t technically dead. His actual death wasn’t a surprise at all – not really.
My father was a true inspiration. He quit school at thirteen but went on to become a highly successful businessman. He is held in high regard by a lot of people. When I was about twelve he explained to me about how it was possible to achieve almost anything if I put my heart into it. These weren’t just words for him, but a creed he lived by. People would say that he was always a dreamer, but unlike a lot of people he made these dreams come true. It is because of him that I’ve been able to achieve so much as a writer – I’ve never considered the possibility that my dreams are impossible
I didn’t go back to Ireland for the funeral, and to be honest I hardly shed a tear. I felt guilty about not feeling more upset; maybe I’ve become some type of psychopath that doesn’t feel anything. There was just this feeling of numbness about the whole thing. At the time of his heart attack it felt like my world had collapsed, but there was less felling about his actual death. Maybe the real grief has yet to come – I don’t know about this. I feel bad that he will never get to know my son, or his other grandson who was only born around the time of his heart attack.
So 2010 has been a strange year for me; such highs and lows in the space of 12 months. I’ve no idea what 2011 has in store, but the great thing about life is that it is such an adventure.
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Hugs Paul. Losing a father you love has got to be tough. I lost my dear father-in-law several years back and I was devastated. His son took the loss in a practical manner (no tears). And when someone has reached 90 with poor health, the outcome is inevitable so I guess it’s a girl thing?
Your son sounds cherished! Lucky boy 🙂 The new generation does have a way of smoothing over the hurts and losses of the old.
Ho ho ho to Paul and everyone reading. And may 2011 be a rip-roaring year for all.
Hi Catherine, my son is certainly the boss in our house. We took him to Dreamworld this morning for a visit to Snow Town – a minus 3 temperature without leaving Bangkok.
I think 2011 is going to be a great year.
Paul, Congrats on the book…that had to be an awesome feeling.
I’m very sorry about your fathers passing and I know exactly how that feels as my father passed this year as well. I had many of the same feeling you had and it was hard for me to reconcile. It did kinda hit me one night while I was sitting in my condo but not near what I expected.
Here’s to 2011 and many more good things to come…Cheers!
I didn’t realise that you lost your father as well this year Tim.
I would imagine that you’ve made a few dreams come true this year with your move to Thailand.
Nice post Paul. I actually noticed that when you have been living abroad for long, and hence have little physical contact with your family back home, you’re kind of numb when something happens to them. Not that we do not love them, just that it feels like something happening in a different world you have little contact with.
Thanks FRT, I think you could be right about living far away from relatives; it is does sort of feel like things aren’t real.
Hi Paul,
Sorry to hear about your father. Don’t worry too much about not having shed a tear at this point in time. You probably haven’t quite taken it in that he’s not here yet. It’s called a delayed reaction, later down the line it’ll hit you.
My uncle passed away this year in September. I didn’t feel anything at the time. However later on it was the little thoughts of him that kept cropping up in my mind and then I realized he was no longer with us.
Anyway it’s always great when you see your book on the shelves of bookazine & Asia books, you just can’t beat that buzz!
It is great to see the book in shops; the problem is it is also a bit of a letdown when I go into a bookshop and it’s not there. I also worry that Asia Books will ban me from all the stores because I keep moving my books to a better position 🙂
Wow, this is a great photo seeing your book in the bookshop window! I think if it were me, I’d stand there a few minutes to see if anyone looked at it, or connected me with my book! I might even go into the bookshop and introduce myself, or offer to autograph a few copies! (And if I went into a bookshop and found it wasn’t there, I’d feel upset, too!)
In the photo, your dad looks like he is proud to have you as his son I enjoyed reading his story
Best regards,
Mary
Hi Mary, I was actually taken around all the bookshops in Dublin to sign copies – it felt a bit surreal. I have also seen people buying my book and that is a great thrill.
It has been a similar year for me. Some creative success but no major book deal. In July, I lost my uncle who I was very close to. So in a sense, i know how you feel. Condolences and best wishes for the future.
Hi Remo, I think great highs and great lows can be a bit stressful – maybe moderate highs and moderate lows would be better for 2011 🙂
I like writing these kinds of posts. Before blogs, I would journal (still do of course) and now it is nice to read someone else who enjoys taking these moments to reflect.
When my father died, I didn’t cry either. I felt horribly guilty for many years and I think whatever feelings you have for your father will come out little by little throughout life. Like forgiveness, grief takes time; at least that has been my experience.
I’m glad you started this blog too! One of the true joys of blogging is connecting to the blogging community. And I love the Thai blogging community the best!!!
Hi Lani, when I was a drunk I’d write all the time – sort of like a journal. I’m so glad that all of that stuff went straight in the bin – it was the ravings of sick mind. These days I enjoy documenting my life, because I’m generally comfortable in my own skin. Maybe you are right about grief taking time; I suppose these things progress as they should. I only started connecting with the blogging community in Thailand recently and there are some wonderful people involved – it sometimes feels like a bit of a family.
“One of the true joys of blogging is connecting to the blogging community. And I love the Thai blogging community the best!!!”
So true, so very true.
Catherine, I didn’t realise you got so sentimental at Christmas time. Have you been nipping into the sherry? 🙂
tee hee
Paul, it’s not even lunchtime! But ask me that again afternoon (now off for an Xmas celebration with family).
Am I sentimental? Always. No need for an excuse 😀
I can get quite sentimental too – not necessarily a bad thing. I’m a bloke though, so I need to swear quite a lot when I’m doing it.
Ah yes, the guy thing. Lots of looking at the ground and cussing 🙂
Scratch the lunch. I’m snowbound. Cannot get the car out of the drive and the neighbour just stopped by to say that no one has been able to get out since yesterday.
Sounds bad – I hope the snow doesn’t put too much of a dampener on Christmas.
All is well now. A four-by-four is on the way.
This NEVER happens in Thailand. Lucky you 🙂 And one day I’ll get to stay home to enjoy what you do Paul. Not your lovely son (obviously) but a tree with the trimmings the way it should be – in the tropics (although I’ve never figured out how to stop the candy canes from melting or being eaten by bugs).
Nice tribute to your son and your father, Paul. It sounds like he had a lot of influence in your life. I’m sure he was very proud of you. And you talking about your son put a smile on my face–it sounds like you’re a great father, too.
Thanks Megan, I hope you have a great 2011.