Stillness – The End of Jealousy, Envy, and Belittling
Jealousy, Envy, and Belittling
I was talking to a client recently about the difference between jealousy and envy. These are two of the most unattractive of all human traits, and I’ve been all too familiar with both of them in my own life.
I would regularly feel envy towards those who seemed to get all the breaks (e.g. the ones who were better looking, came from a rich family, or seemed to get away with all kinds of bullshit). I would then feel jealous of those were a potential rival, and the idea that they could take what was ‘mine’ could keep me awake at night.
Another ugly human trait that I feel is related to jealousy and envy is belittling. This is where we put other people down in order to make ourselves feel better. I did more than my fair share of that as well.
They say that behaviors such as jealousy, envy, and belittling are all due to low self-esteem, and I can see the truth in that, but I feel this just touches the surface of the problem. The real issue is that when we live in a world of scarce resources, we understandably feel threatened when we don’t seem to be getting our fair share.
There May Be No Winners in the Game of Life
Sometimes, the fear of losing out can motivate us to become a competitor in the game of life. We can focus our energies on building a career, winning the perfect romantic partner, gaining respect, achieving academic qualifications, accumulating power, filling up our bank account, and collecting expensive stuff. Unfortunately, the ones who do this can find that they feel more insecure than ever. As George Harrison once said;
“Everybody dreams of being rich and famous. But once you get rich and famous, you think, ‘This isn’t it.”
If we fail at the game of life, there is always cognitive dissonance to fall back on. We can console ourselves with the idea that the rich are miserable, the academically-successful lack all common sense, and the perfect couple is a sham (she’s only with him for his money). This way we can still pretend that we won, and that life’s winners are actually the losers.
What if there are no real winners in the game of life? Sure, some of us can be more financially secure, and have nice things, but is that all there is to it? I’m not saying that we shouldn’t want success, but could it be that we are putting way too much emphasis on these things? What if it is our obsession with how well am I doing compared to other people that causes of our depression and anxiety? Is the nastiness that is created by jealousy, envy, and belittling a price worth paying?
Stillness is Where Everyone Is a Winner
The most precious thing I know is stillness. It is this that gives me everything I once believed could come through wealth, respect, and getting people to like me. The wonderful thing about stillness is there can be no rivals when it comes to our relationship to it. There is an infinite amount of stillness to go around, and it is not something we need to earn. We are all equal before stillness, so there is simply no need for envy, jealousy, or belittling. The competition is over, and we all truly end up as winners.
When I look at other people now, I no longer see them as rivals in the game of life. We all have our little part to play in the world, but we are all equally wealthy when it comes to stillness. Sure, some of us may be less aware than others about this incredible fortune inside of us, but this doesn’t make us any less rich. It just means there is this incredible discovery yet to be made.
If you would like to do some mindfulness coaching with me, please send an email to: info@paulgarrigan.com . I guide clients to a deeper experience of stillness and well-being (i.e. a relationship with life based on trust, intimacy, and wonder).
