Nothing is Wrong and There is Nowhere Better to Go

There is nothing that I should be doing right now other than what I am doing. My only task is to get the most out of each day – that is it. I am where I need to be.

Even when things are going smoothly for me I can still have this uneasy feeling that prevents me from fully relaxing. There is this inner disharmony that is based on the nagging idea that I should be doing something else or something more. This means that when I’m relaxing it feels like I’m slacking off, and it can be a struggle to convince myself that nothing is wrong.

When Striving Becomes a Habit

I don’t know when I first began treating life as an endurance race but long enough for it to become part of my normal thinking pattern. This striving originates from the belief that I’m somehow broken, or inadequate, and that I therefore need to be fixed. It is the idea that my happiness is over the next hill top, and if I strive hard enough I’ll get there faster. It is this inner sense of urgency to get somewhere else that prevents me from appreciating what I have right now. It has taken me a long time to grasp the truth that there is nowhere better to get to – if I can’t be content now then when can I be content?

I can see now that striving to get somewhere better and be someone different is the source of much of my suffering. This realisation is as powerful and important as it once was for me to admit that my drinking was out of control but understanding is not enough to cure me. This inner sense of striving can be as difficult to deal with as my alcohol cravings. I have to keep on reminding myself that there is nothing wrong, and that I don’t need to be doing anything different. Like all bad habits it will take time to overcome, but it is something that is achievable, and I will achieve it – my sanity depends on it.

No Need to Strive

Chasing happiness makes as much sense as chasing clouds on a pogo stick. Happiness is something that comes to us at those moments when we are still and fully involved in the moment. It is just one of the many emotions that are part of life’s wonderful tapestry, and the belief that we should feel like this all the time is the fast track to misery. Searching for happiness is like looking for friends while walking around waving a shotgun – it sends what we are looking for scampering in the opposite direction.

There is also no need to strive to become a better person, and it may be this striving that is preventing us from reaching our potential. The idea that we are broken, and therefore need fixing, is a form of self torture as well as a waste of time. Who is this person that we want to be? So long as we are willing to face life, and learn from our mistakes, there is no need for any further self development. If the universe isn’t kicking our arse at the moment we can relax and just enjoy the show – we can trust that things will get tough again when we are due another growth spurt.