Meditation is a Tool Not a Weapon

I am a huge fan of meditation. It helped me overcome a two decade addiction to alcohol, and it is something that benefits my life now. I suppose the main reason, for why meditation is helpful as a tool, is that it allows me to take a step back from my thoughts. It has provided me with a way to break free of negative thinking patterns, and it has helped me to stop taking things so seriously (this is a work in progress). Meditation is a wonderful tool, but it can also be used as a weapon – this is not so good.

Meditation as a Weapon

When I forget that meditation is just a tool I can begin to use it as a weapon. I’m not suggesting here that I’ve developed some type of meditative psychic powers that allow me to inflict pain on my enemies – you guys can relax. When I say that it is a weapon I’m referring to how I can use meditation as a means to beat myself up. The problem starts when I begin to identify with the label ‘meditator’ and all the expectations that come with this. It means that if I fail to live up to this label I can start to feel disappointed in myself. I hear about those people who meditate for three hours a day, and have not missed a day in 10 years, and that is what I expect from my own practice. The reality is that I do not seem able (willing?) to do this so I’m constantly setting myself up for disappointment.

My meditation practice is just like all the other areas of my life that require some type of discipline – I have good days and bad days. I do enjoy periods that last months at a time where I’m able to maintain a daily practice of getting my arse on the cushion (not that I actually use a cushion). I also get bad days and weeks where I can’t be bothered with meditation. This is when meditation becomes a weapon, and I begin to feel guilty. I wouldn’t mind so much if this guilt actually motivated me to meditate, but that doesn’t happen.

Clocking Up Meditation Hours Might Be a Waste of Time

I’ve just admitted that my ability to maintain a regular meditation practice is not that impressive, so what I’m going to say next might sound like a cop out. Call me a fine example of cognitive dissonance if you will, but I’m no longer convinced that clocking up meditation hours guarantees anything. I’m beginning to suspect that this practice reflects my current mental state rather than determining it. I get periods of time when I am naturally mindful, and this means that my whole life can be a form of meditation. At these times turning to inner contemplation is a joy, and it is not something to do in order to stop feeling guilty. It is the times when I don’t want to meditate, and I try to force the issue, that it turns into a weapon to beat myself up with.

There are people who claim to follow a strict regime of regular meditation practice, yet their lives appear to be a bit of a mess. I’m not only talking here about the gurus who can’t keep their hands off their students either. It is possible to meditate like a hermit on steroids and still not be very wise or very spiritual. Meditation is only a tool so it is only as effective as the person using it. This is why we probably shouldn’t be too impressed when people say that they meditate for six hours every day, and that they have done this consistently since 1956. It could be that they are not very good at it. I know that I’ve been trying to play the guitar since the age of seven, and I still can’t make my way through one full song.

The other reason for why I suspect that clocking up the meditation hours is not so important is that two of the most profound spiritual experience of my life happened when I wasn’t engaged in a meditation practice. In fact they took place when I wasn’t doing anything intentional to bring them on. One episode, in particular, involved an altered state of consciousness that was way beyond anything that I’ve experienced through meditation. To be honest, for a long time the thing motivating me to meditate intensely was the hope of recapturing this experience. It did feel like I got close on a couple of occasions, but I now believe that spiritual experiences like that are not available on demand.

Meditation for Enjoyment

If I feel guilty because of my inability to play guitar like Kurt Cobain I’m just wasting my time. The same is true of my inability to live up to the image I have in my head of a serious meditation student. The good news is that I only have to be myself in order to find happiness, and that is the easiest thing in the world to do. This is why I’m going to try giving up meditation as a weapon and instead just use it as a tool I enjoy.