I Miss Writing Fiction

I gave up on fiction three years ago after turning full time as a writer. This was a purely practical decision, and it made good sense at the time. I couldn’t see much hope of ever earning a living from my stories. I also didn’t have the energy after working on the computer all day for anything more than an occasional blog post. When I became a full time writer it felt like I’d achieved a lifetime ambition, but it also meant giving up on a dream. I’d always wanted to write fiction but it seemed like a reasonable compromise. Now I’m no longer so sure.

Fiction is Stranger than Truth

I started writing stories at around the age of 7. At first this involved creating my own comic books. I have to admit that these were pretty poor efforts (the graphics were particularly bad), but I did enjoy putting them together. In my teenage years I’d write short stories. Even during my two decades of being a drunk I kept on writing. These efforts were always full of self pity and negativity. I now know that this was because my own situation infected the characters in my stories. I didn’t like to show this writing to other people because there was probably enough evidence in them to have me committed to an insane asylum. I now regret that I didn’t keep these notebooks full of stories because it would be a good reminder of what I escaped.

I first began sharing my writing with other people six years ago. I created a blog and some of the content of this became my book Dead Drunk. I felt comfortable writing about my own life, and it somehow felt less personal than sharing my fiction. I know that this may not make sense, but it is like my fictional stories are coming from somewhere deeper inside and this makes them more revealing. I suspect that we can learn more about people from the things they write as fiction than the things they write as fact. There is less censorship with fiction because things have a habit of just sneaking in there.

I sometimes think about characters from my fiction as if they were real people. I dream about them. It is like these people who only ever existed in my mind are haunting me. I will associate them with names and places. Writing fiction is similar to lucid dreaming/ astral travel (another hobby of mine) in that we can create our own worlds and go play in them. Just like astral travel we can come out of the experience wondering if the characters we created are somehow real.

I Miss the Passion of Writing Fiction

I miss fiction. Much of the passion has gone out of writing since I gave it up. Sometimes it just feels like I’m just going through the motions. I know that my technique and style has improved since turning full time but most days it just feels like a job. I now think of myself more as a small business owner than a writer, and this was never my intention.

It is going to involve making a few sacrifices, but I’m going to start writing fiction again. Even if I only do this for half an hour a day it will be worth it. I might never show this work to anyone else, but it is something that I need to do for me. I want that passion for writing back.