Dead Man’s Slippers
One of the tasks I would perform as a nurse was packing away the belongings of people who had passed. I remember doing this one afternoon for a patient who had died during surgery. I had been his named nurse which meant I had responsibility for his nursing care during his stay. I found him to be a nice man, but from our talks, it was obvious he had his struggles in life. He had only been with us a couple of days.
As I put the deceased’s few belongings into generic hospital plastic bag, I experienced an intense sadness. I felt this acutely as I picked up his slippers that would never be worn again, and the book he would never get to finish. The unfinished bottle of fizzy drink seemed particularly poignant. These were the remains of a life that was now over. He hadn’t had any visitors during his stay, and he had struggled to come up with a next of kin during his intake. I guessed that this bag of his stuff would eventually end up in a rubbish tip.
Once his belongings were bagged, and the bed linen changed, the space was ready for the next patient. Life goes on. I imagined his life so full of intensity and drama, and yet all that remained now was a plastic bag full of a few measly possessions. It seemed unjust as well as anticlimactic. Of course, it reminded me of my own vulnerability and that one day life would carry on without me also. It all appeared so pointless and depressing.
I felt the patient had somehow been cheated by life and this same fate was waiting all of us. I just couldn’t see back then that life is an incredible gift, and it might be considered a bit ungrateful to have expectations about the duration of this gift and to be bothered by whether or not there are going to be more gifts following this one. Why can’t we just appreciate this gift? This gift that is here right now. This one incredible life that we know beyond all doubt that we have.
Life is an astounding occurrence. We get to have this miraculous experience of being alive – why does it bother us so much that it might one day end? I suppose this is similar to the attitude many of us have when it comes to romantic relationships – we can want them to last forever or we feel cheated and betrayed. Why does it have to be all or nothing?
