An Impulse of Delight. What Did I Get Out of Running a 100 KM Ultramarathon?
Why Run 100 km?
It is 8 days since I crossed the finish line of the Run Road 100 in Trat. I achieved my goal. I did something that before seemed impossible, but what did I get out of it? What was the point?
It would be fair to say that I’m lazy by nature. I do work relentlessly when I feel passionate about something, but I struggle to get anything done when my heart isn’t it. I just suck at doing things I don’t want to do, and I’m no good at faking enthusiasm. I’m sure many of my old employers would have no trouble vouching for this.
If you had asked me a few years ago about what kind of motivation I would need to run 100km, I would likely have replied, ‘being chased by a lunatic with a machine gun’. I would not have been able to imagine willingly wanting to do it or why anyone else would want to do such a thing. Yet, somewhere along the way, I became the type of person who not only signed up for this challenge but also loved the experience.
An Impulse of Delight
There is a poem by W.B. Yeats called ‘An Irish Airman Foresees His Death’. It is about a fighter pilot in the First World War who is going on a mission where he will almost certainly die. He explains how his motivation for joining up as an airman has nothing to do with a sense of duty, legal obligation, or a desire for praise. The best reason he can give is a ‘lonely impulse of delight’ – he just felt driven to be there by an unexplainable sense of delight. My motivation falls into a similar category.
It is hard to come up with a rational reason for wanting to run such long distances (I looked online for what motivated other people to do similar things, and there reasons were usually vague), yet there is a motivation that is beyond the logical. Running has become a way for me to express my joy for life. It turns out my body loves being pushed, and I am on this incredible journey where I’m discovering that this body is capable of far more than I ever could have imagined. I have no idea what my limits are.
What Did I Get From Running 100km?
I spent more than three decades of my life trying to avoid any kind of pain, and all this did was lead me further and further into hell. I have since learned to run towards this discomfort because this is where life have cleverly hidden all the goodies.
My way of relating to reality has completely changed in recent years. I discovered an unshakable inner peace – a stillness that is even there when I sleep. A key part of my transformation has been a new relationship with physical and emotional discomfort.
It is easy to claim that I relate differently to discomfort, but for this to mean anything, it needs to be tested. Running 100km is further evidence for me of this incredible change.
There were moments during the race when I wondered if my body would hold out, but I never once thought about giving up. I kept moving forward with a sense of trust and appreciation for the experience. Instead of trying to escape the tiredness, aches and pains that occur when you are on the move for almost seventeen hours, I was able to be intimate with this experience.
Will I Run Another 100km?
In the hours following the race, a friend asked me if I would do it again. Despite feeling completely exhausted, my reply was ‘probably, yes’. I can see myself running another 100km race, and I’ve even found myself checking the racing calendar here in Thailand for options. I might even end up going for longer distances. The thing about an ‘impulse of delight’ though is you never know where it is going to lead you next.
Just a reminder. I offer awareness/mindfulness training online for anyone who is interested. This is the path I followed to develop well-being, and I’ve seen it work for many other people. It might not be enough to get you to run 100km, but it can certainly improve your life. Click here to find out more.
I made a video diary of my experience of the Run Road 100 in Trat, and you can view this below.
Amazing job Paul! I found your blog and youtube through Hope’s website. I am also into running ultramarathon, in recovery, and heading to Thailand in the summer of 2021. I would love to connect and learn more about what you do. Best- Chris
Lovely to hear from you Chris. I do hope we get a chance to connect when you are here. Happy New Year.