Yesterday Was a Bad Day for Me

Yesterday was a bad day for me. Life hit me in my most vulnerable spot – my finances. I work as a freelance writer and my most important client told me that he will need to significantly cut back on the amount of work he can send my way. This is something that I knew could happen, but it still managed to rock my world. Funnily enough I was writing a blog post on how I never had bad days anymore when his email hit my inbox. Talk about tempting faith – that particular article has been shelved indefinitely.

I Always Land On My Feet

Yesterday I felt full of fear – one of the things that I was dreading most in the world happened. I didn’t sleep well last night (thankfully a rare occurrence), but my mood has lifted this morning. I remember that I’m a survivor – I always land on my feet. Things might get a bit tough around here, but I’ll do whatever it takes to stay afloat. I have a family to take care of and that is what breadwinners do.

I truly believe that life has a purpose, and that things happen for a reason. I know that this may sound like a trite idea, after all there is so much suffering in the world, but I can only go by my own experience. My path has taken me to exactly where I need to be.

When I became sober six years ago at Thamkrabok temple the monks there promised me that my life would keep getting better so long as I remained sober. I don’t know how this promise works but it has, and I expect this to continue in the future. Amazing things have happened to me, and it is like I’m being guided by some higher force – I don’t even try to guess the nature of this force because it is beyond my comprehension. Bad things do still happen but overall life is great and getting better all the time.

Yesterday I Felt Full of Fear but Today My Life is Perfect

When I take an honest look at my life I can see that everything is perfect right now. Today my health is good and I have ample money for my needs. I’m still working at a job I love, and I’m sure that there will be times today when I will enjoy a feeling of inner peace (this is the real gold in life). I have a beautiful wife and a terrific son. What more can I ask for? When I am honest with myself I see that all my problems are in the future, but I don’t have to worry about the future because it doesn’t exist yet. If I can take care of today I can have faith that tomorrow will take care of itself. This is what I tell myself, and I believe it.

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13 thoughts on “Yesterday Was a Bad Day for Me

  1. Good to hear….your looking into a “Full half” glass…then an “empty half” glass. Hope for your satisfaction and Peace!

  2. I empathise with your financial worries, and also with the “breadwinner” attitude – can’t give up, the kids need new shoes … You should have some book sale comissions coming your way – I bought “Dead Drunk” a couple of weeks ago and look forward to reading it when I get time (reading has become a luxury for me). Keep up the good work!

    1. Thanks Jamie – I really do appreciate your kind words. It is my ultimate goal to one day be able to make money just by writing books, but that day seems a long way off. At the moment I’m just grateful for any writing work.

  3. Yes, yes and more yes, Paul. Stay on your feet and hang in there. You might also consider how utilizing some of your consciousness work might be helpful in this time. 😉

  4. Hi Paul, sorry to hear about the bad news. I do know what its like to be on the edge constantly when it comes to income. I’m not a freelance writer but my job is completely reliant on obtaining contracts and grants. If those dry up, I’m out the door. And as you no doubt know, the precarious economic situation just makes things all the worse. Its basically like living with a low level of anxiety in the background constantly, particularly for those of us who are married and have a dependent(s). I have had many a sleepless night thinking of such things (alcohol of course made things far far worse).

    Anyway, several months ago I finally got off my duff and started investing free time in the evenings to learning a new skill entirely (web design). I picked up a few books on HTML and CSS, etc, and have just immersed myself. I’m proud to say that I’ve already gotten through a few books already and feel as if I have made quite a bit of progress in learning this new skill set, one which I hope to pursue for many years, and all in my own free time at nights and weekends.

    Worst situation is, in the event I ever lose my job, I’ll have gotten started on another marketable skill set. Best situation is, I’ve learned a new skill set that I can hopefully use to augment my primary income. Emotionally, I just feel a little bit more confident in my future, and to boot, I think web design is fun too. I feel pleased that I have been able to accomplish what I have so far. Maybe you could “grow” another skill set like this on your own as well?

    I should say, my impression of you is that you are a very talented writer, and obviously you have accomplished quite a bit already having been successfully published, etc. Surely, you could get other freelance writing gigs?

    Anyway, thanks for sharing, and good luck. The positive energy is a good thing!

    1. Thanks Tan, you have the right idea by having more than one string on your fiddle. I’ve been lazy and maybe this is the kick up the butt I need. There are some definite benefits to working as a freelancer, but there is always that anxiety and uncertainty in the background. I don’t plan on returning to a regular job, but I do miss knowing where the next paycheck is coming from.

  5. Hi Paul,
    I have learned over many years of ups and downs that the answer is to try and live in the present moment too. Our fears are usually connected to what we think may happen and we usually see the worst at these times. As you say, the future doesn’t exist right now there is only the present, and that’s all we can really connect to. Take care, and all the best with your writing.

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