I get frustrated with my inability to think like a business person. I have developed some skill in self promotion, but I don’t have much to promote. My lack of business acumen is holding me back, and it means that I’m destined to a future of just getting by in life. I’m a repeat offender of the cardinal sin of the modern writing profession; I write about things that interest me and not necessarily what other people want to read.
My Lack of Business Savvy
I’m envious of those writers who are able to make a good living from their own projects. These are often entrepreneur writers who have found a place in the market, and they now cater for this. They provide what their readers want, and they get to reap the rewards – and so they should. I suspect that some of these go-getters might be sick to death of their niche, if they even had that much interest to begin with, but they know what works and they can keep on replicating this. I’m jealous. These guys can even pay somebody like me to take on the writing duties for them, and I’m usually delighted to offer my services. I’ve learnt a great deal from these successful writers, but there is something holding me back from trying to emulate them. I can write about practically any topic for a client, but when it comes to my own writing it has to be something that interests me.
If I was still a teenager I could probably make my lack of business savvy sound cool. I could talk about staying true to my vision. I might even make a big deal about how I refuse to sell my soul for profit. This type of talk might sound acceptable from the mouth of a teenager, but at my stage of life it smells a bit too much like a bullshit excuse. I worry that my lack of a killer instinct has more to do with not having the balls for it (metaphorically speaking) than anything else. My hope is that this lack of a ‘go get’em champ’ attitude is just part of my path, but on my darker days it is hard not to worry if this is just an excuse for my ineffectiveness.
I Am What I Am
I remember what it was like to struggle as a writer. I would strain so hard to produce even one paragraph of readable text. It was obvious to me that I had no talent for writing, but there was this inner voice that would not allow me to give up. I kept at it, and I eventually found out where I had been going wrong. I stopped trying to write for other people. I began to write only for myself, and the irony was that I ended up with material that I felt happy to show to other people.
The reality is that I’m lacking in the ‘entrepreneurial spirit’ department. I just don’t have the same motivation as those writers who are able to keep pumping out the stuff that is profitable. I respect them, and I even know how to do it, but every time I attempt to follow that path my energy levels plummet and I start to dislike myself. For me, it is like trying to swim upstream. Maybe I just have to accept that this is not a path for me, and that my instincts will take me somewhere that is going to suit me better. It seems pointless to beat myself up for being who I am.