Why Does The Foreign Teacher Always Smell Like Peppermint? Part 2 – Thailand Dreaming
If You Missed Part 1 you can catch up here
Teaching in Thailand did seem like a good solution to my problems. Still, I delayed. I had lots of great money making ideas around that time. I’d share these notions with other people but they would easily point out the fatal flaws in them. I worried that something similar would occur with my teaching idea. People would laugh at me and I’d feel stupid again; just like the laughed about my other crazy schemes.
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Koh Chang Cider Company and Rescue Service
I remember my idea of starting an illegal cider business. My logic was that most people would drink cider if they were given the option; especially with the hot weather. The fact that it wasn’t on sale already in Thailand meant that there was an opening to be exploited. I could imagine a simple operation on the island growing into a multinational company. Koh Chang Cider was going to make me a millionaire. My experience of brewing odd tasting apple flavoured alcoholic drinks in Saudi could be put to good use.
I was so excited about the cider idea. I couldn’t wait to tell other people. The first person I shared my plan with was a local Thai bar owner. You might give me credit here for at least speaking to someone in the trade, but the reality is that he was the only Thai person in my social circle – at least that I talked to regularly anyway.
I blurted out my business plan to this Thai bar owner. I was expecting him to be as excited as me; possibly offering free drinks to celebrate my winning idea. I’d already decided to make him a business partner so he would have reason to celebrate as well. Instead he just smiled at me and went off to speak with another customer. I felt a bit deflated then but by the time I’d told a few other people I felt like a complete twat. It was obvious; there was just no way somebody with no skills and knowledge could manage an illegal cider brewery in a country where he hadn’t got a clue what was going on.
Another of my plans on Koh Chang involved finding employment as a trauma specialist. I’d be a super-nurse who would go around the island saving lives. I’d turn up at accidents in my shorts and sandals with just a stethoscope to show my importance – how cool would that be. I could just imagine the bar conversations, “sorry lads, I’ve got to go, there is an RTA on the Bang Bao Road”.
One of my more lasting plans was to ordain as a Buddhist monk. In fact this was one of the reasons I’d ended up in Thailand in the first place. I’d been interested in Buddhism since my early teens and becoming a monk seemed the ideal solution to by alcoholism – an AA group that you never left. The problem was that it was obvious that I’d have to get off the booze first of all; there was no way that any temple was going to ordain somebody going through the DTs. So instead of becoming a monk in Thailand I’d turned into a drunken beach bum.
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I’ve lived long enough in Thailand to know that my desperation to stay was in no way unique. Somebody once made the following observation and I believe it. There are possibly hundreds of thousands of air planes arriving and leaving Thailand each year. On each of these planes there will be at least 50% of the passengers (I love the way people make up statistics on the spot to make their arguments seem more scientific; I do it all the time) who don’t want to return home at the end of their trip.
A lot of visitors to Thailand become desperate as the end of their holiday nears. I once met this guy in Hua Hin who was seriously considering dumping his new bride because he didn’t want to go home– they were on their honeymoon. Of course the cynics will say it is all about sex, but in my opinion it is a lot more than that. Thailand is so different than what most of us grew up with; it can seem like the fresh start we always secretly desired. On a holiday in Thailand anything can seem possible.
I can now look back and see my early obsession with Thailand as a bit embarrassing. I said silly things and make mistakes that I regret. I got off easy though. I’ve seen this obsession with Thailand completely destroy lives. People have become so desperate to stay in Thailand that they have committed suicide rather than go home. Other people have given up careers, ruined their marriages or made unbelievably stupid decisions that put them in prison; all because they believe that Thailand was going to be the solution to all their problems – it never is.
Deciding to Teach
The idea of becoming a teacher was a bit of a strange one; this was another reason why I delayed. My own history with school wasn’t so great; I was expelled from school in Ireland without any real qualifications (those of you who read Dead Drunk might remember this story and there is no real need to repeat it here). It wasn’t until I was living in England during my twenties that I went back and did my ‘A’ Levels and eventually began my nursing training. I didn’t have what you exactly might call a typical teacher background. Maybe this is why when I did teach a part of me fault like a fraud: I always had more in common with those who were misbehaving in class.
When I compared my qualifications to some of the other native speakers who were teaching though, it seemed like I’d an embarrassment of riches. That English girl Tracy I was telling you about last time only had a couple of GCSEs. I actually had some teaching experience because this is an important part of nursing; you need to be able to teach patients about certain aspects of the management of their conditions. I’d even given a seminar in front of some top specialists in the UK. I also once had a girlfriend who claimed that I’d make a fantastic teacher because I loved lecturing everyone. At the time I took this as a complement but looking back she might have just been sarcastic.
When I eventually told people on the island about my plans to teach they didn’t laugh at me. The barman just smiled again but it seemed a more positive gesture this time. Perhaps I was deluding myself; the Thai smile is so hard to fathom. It could have meant “good idea, you are going to be a fine addition to the teaching community here in Thailand” or it could meant, “go back to Europe you drunken tosspot and stop wasting my time with your fantasies”.
The Story So Far
The Story so Far
Why Does The Foreign Teacher Always Smell Like Peppermint? – Part 1
Why Does The Foreign Teacher Always Smell Like Peppermint? – Part 2
Why Does the Foreign Teacher Always Smell Like Pepperment? – Part 3
Why Does the Foreign Teacher Always Smell Like Peppermint – Sleepy Thai Girl -Part 4
Why Does the Foreign Teacher Always Smell Like Peppermint – How Dare They Not Like Me – Part 5
Why Does the Foreign Teacher Always Smell Like Peppermint – Beers, Jokes, and Gameboys – Part 6
Why Does the Foreign Teacher Always Smell Like Peppermint Part 7 –The Thailand Paperwork Nightmare
Why Does the Foreign Teacher Always Smell Like Peppermint – Bad Reputation Part 8
Paul, I think most of us have had the embarrassing Thailand obsession. It’s why I started blogging because I needed an outlet. I kept driving people nuts talking about Thailand and turning every conversation into Thailand.
The cider Idea I actually like, and if drunk enough I might sign on to it 🙂
I think a good majority of people who visit Thailand want to stay and those of us who have come here are always looking for more permanence. I don’t think Thailand is the solution to any problem but I feel more alive here and have a much better outlook on life.
Although I see the consequences almost daily here in Pattaya of those trying to hold on with no hope left, suicides, drinking themselves senseless…it truly is scary how many a man has lost the plot to Thailand.
Excellent tale I can’t wait to read more
Hi Tim, I’ll let you have that cider idea. If it makes you rich then hopefully you will remmeber me 🙂 I bet you do see a lot of the ‘Thailand dream gone wrong’ people around Pattaya. With some people it is like watching a car crash in slow motion – like I can talk.
Paul,
Your cider idea is okay. It’s the location that sucks! Try making it and knocking it out to chavs on council estates in the U.K. You’d make a killing! Just make sure the tax man doesn’t get a whiff of it!
You’re right about Thailand being an addictive place. It romances you at first and then can let you down a bit, but your love for it still stays.
Hi Mark, I agree that after you’ve lived in Thailand for a few years the obsession becomes a lot less intense. I’m happy here and my view of Thailand is mostly a positive one, but for me it is just a place now. My world wouldn’t end if I ever had to leave Thailand and never come back; as long as my family was with me things would be fine. At one time the idea of not living in Thailand would have seemed terrible.
Paul another super read. Cider, the monkhood and teaching English, make an enjoyable breakfast digest.
I think there is a bit of the dreamer in all of us, well I’ve certainly had a few stupid get rich quick ideas in my life. None for Thailand other than teaching English, which I soon ditched when the reality struck home.
Hi Mike, I think having crazy ideas is bad enough but when we tell everyone else about them that is when we really feel stupid. I would make a terrible illegal brewery owner; as soon as I see the police my natural reaction is to want to confess to something 🙂
An other great reading Paul, thanks! Looking forward to Part 3.
I can understand what you write about many people and their Thai dream. Unfortunately do those dreams often end up in nightmares for too many people. It’s not the same to come to Thailand on a holiday or living here, and living here like you are on a holiday does normally not work out.
About 20 years ago, I visited for the first time. Some visits later, I thought that Thailand could be a nice retirement place, but not really a place I would have come to live permanently in my early thirties.
When I got married to a nice I-Saan lady 9 years ago, I started to get more interested in the country and it’s politics, something that really opened my eyes. Even 5 years ago, I still thought about Thailand as a nice retirement place but my personal views have changed in the last four or so years.
Maybe, one day, we will move permanently to Thailand, but for the time being, spending summers at home and winters in Thailand seems a good enough life for us.
Hi Paco, there is a difference between living somewhere and staying in that country full-time. I sometimes envy people who come here just for a few weeks or a few months a year – they get to have the excitement of arriving in Thailand. I get a lot more excited about leaving Thailand for holidays then coming back; although I do like living here. Staying here has also allowed me to appreciate some of the good things about Europe.
You know Paul, I lived as an immigrant for most of my life. Born and raised in Switzerland, only living in Spain now for 6 years. My wife and me, we both like our life in Spain, only 20 kilometres from a nice beach South of Valencia.
I don’t mind coming here and spend time in my wife’s village, as long as I get some breaks to go to the beach or some cities up North to meet friends for a week end. I have to admit, that I never learned to speak the local languages properly, and knowing my temper, it may be best so.
Again, I understand what you mean, and believe me, after this break’s 6 or 7 month in I-Saan, I will be looking forward to go back to my more civilized live in Spain next year. At least I will know, that my Missus enjoyed it here spending the last few month with my terminate cancer affected mother in law.
Hi Paco, sorry to hear about your MIL. There have been times when I’ve thought about packing it all in – especially when my drinking got really bad. I’ve made a life here now though and it woudl be too much of an upheaval for my wife and son to move elsewhere. I was moved around a lot as a kid and I don’t want to do that to my son. The difference is that I don’t “have to” live in Thailand anymore – if you know what I mean. The Thai obsession is gone now it is just a comfortable affection.
Well Paul, my Thai obsession is gone since some years as well. The only reason still coming here regularly, instead of maybe going to explore other countries is MIL. I really want my Missus to spend as much time as possible with her. We can not know, for how much longer she may be around, and having been an immigrant myself, I know how hard it can be to be separated from your relatives.
Things may change, after MIL is not around anymore. There are other countries I always wanted to visit, and we may just start doing that in the future. Still, my wife being a Thai, we will always come back to her home country, just not for as long as we do now, I guess.
I have to agree that it is important to keep in touch with your wife’s family. Even though we live in Thailand we don’t get to spend much time with my wife’s family anymore; although I did share a village with them for 5 years. I worry sometimes that one of my wife’s family will die and she won’t have seen them for a long time. My father died this year and I know how bad it can feel afterwards to realise that you never got to spend much time with them before the end. I’ve suggested that my MIL come and stay with us for a few weeks, but like a lot of Thais (it seems) she gets very bad travel sickness and won’t make the trip.
Paul, a curious idea – making cider. A can of cider in Villa is around 200 baht so you just might be on to a money making venture if you could pull it off. And I’d be interested in hearing about the possibilities (I love a good cider).
Hi Catherine, my cider brewing days are well behind me now thankfully. Maybe you could go into business with Talen. I could just see it now ‘Women Learning How to Brew Cider… and some men too’ 🙂
Hah! This women already knows how to brew. Remember those nine years in a muslim country? Rambutan wine is lovely…
Rambutan wine sounds like something that would appeal to a lot of New Age crowd. You don’t tend to hear much about Durian wine or cider – maybe there is an opening in the market there as well 🙂
Rambutan wine can be amazing but it has a short shelf life. The Japanese ambassador’s wife was impressed and wanted to serve it at a dinner (after showing the gals how to brew, I had something like eight gallons of the stuff going begging), until I reminded her that it was illegal to brew (only the Ibans of Borneo could brew wine), therefor illegal to consume. Not worth the risk.
Durian wine? Durian cider? I’m not too sure about that… and what a waste of a fantastic fruit!
One of my main motives for moving to Saudi was a naive attempt to deal with my alcoholism. I thought that the fact it was illegal would deter me – what a joke; things got a lot worse. Everyone was brewing their own grog and you were always playing Russian roulette because you never knew how strong it was going to be. We had a couple of dustbins full of illegal alcohol always brewing in our villa – the worst situation for someone with no self-control in regards to alcohol.
Even though alcohol is illegal in Saudi you can go into a shop and see all your brewing ingredients kept together on the same shelf – at least it used to be like that. I remember once buying a carton of apple juice and the shop owner asked if I wanted some yeast and sugar.
I had friends who worked in Saudi and I was surprised they could get the ingredients quite easily. Actual ingredients made just for brewing. But in the muslim country where I lived, I had to bring it in.
Did the custom never question the fact that you had two tons of yeast with you? 🙂
Beyond having you open it up, they were too lazy to check luggage much further. And I seriously doubt that they would know what it was for anyway. We are talking about a country that was seriously out of the loop with the rest of the world.