My view of reality has changed dramatically in recent weeks. I keep expecting my old ways of thinking to drag me under again, but I’m so enjoying this radical shift in my worldview and hopefully it will last. There is this persistent feeling of inner lightness; it is something that I’ve never experienced before. Even on my best days there has always been this nagging feeling that things should be better, or that I should be doing something else. When these thoughts come up now I can instantly dismiss them. There is nothing outwardly special going on, but it feels like a special time. For the first time in my life I feel comfortable with the ordinary. It is so ironic. I’ve spent most of my life trying to escape the one thing that can give me peace and make me happy.
Ordinary Life is Wonderful
I’ve devoted so much time to trying to fix and change things that it became a habit. Somewhere along the way I developed the idea that there is something wrong with reality and that it was my job to fix this. This quest to find something better than the ordinary must have began at an early age because it was this that drove me into addiction. I drank alcohol because of a desire to escape ordinariness – at least that is what I thought I was doing. In truth I’d lost touch with the ordinary long before this. I gave it away as a young child when I replaced it with beliefs about how things should be. It is so obvious to me now that I’ve just been chasing my own tail. It is like I’ve been carrying this huge wad of money but living like a pauper because I believed that I was broke.
Ordinary life is such a precious thing. It contains everything that I need to be content and satisfied. I do not have to do anything special to enjoy it to the full. There is no need for me to go and meditate in a cave for 10 years or run an ultra marathon in order to appreciate it. This precious thing is always available to me – all I have to do is stay still and stop running away from it.