How are things now?
I have lived in SE Asia and South America so I know very well the torments of trying to live without electricity (and running water) for extended periods
Would it be possible for you to invest in a portable generator? Is that common in Thailand?
Regrding the problem of mosquitoes, in Malaysia most of the houses have screens over the windows so that they can be opened without letting in insects. Do you have that in Thailand?
They also have the coils that can be burnt and sprays but I am not sure if that would be good for your son to breathe in
Hope things improve for you soon!

Stewart

Thanks for the space to vent, lol!

I must admit that the circular reasoning of many AA members does bug me. If you are an alcoholic the only option is AA; if you recovery from alcoholism without AA you weren’t an alcoholic to begin with. This type of thinking is self serving. There are good reasons why this program does not suit some of us, but there is ample evidence that it does suit many people. This is why I would never say that I hate AA.

I agree that groups like AA are overzealous in their attempts to promote spirituality, but to be fair it does claim to be a spiritual program. It is also a reality that this type of behavior is not only confined to AA. I’ve been involved with secular recovery groups where any mention of spirituality is ridiculed and dismissively referred to as ‘woo’. Just like in AA there can be a great deal of pressure in these groups to follow the herd. I’ve had people completely dismiss my experience of recovering at a Thai temple because it doesn’t fit in with their scientific/atheistic worldview. I don’t hate them for it for the same reason that I don’t hate AA.

I agree that the 12 Steps may not be a good fit for atheists, but there are plenty of secular options for them. I don’t feel it is AA’s fault that their program doesn’t work for atheists. Of course in the US they can legally oblige people to attend these meeting, but an atheist won a legal battle against such forced attendance so that shouldn’t be a problem in the future.

The program is based on ideas that are not going to be comfortable to many of us, but I don’t believe that this necessarily means they are wrong. We all choose to put our faith in something, and the litmus test is whether doing so makes our life better or worse. Thankfully AA is not the only path in recovery and we can all find something to suit our personal comfort levels. I’m glad that AA is there for the people who need it, but I don’t need it.

I think there are many good reasons for people to dislike AA, and not just due to “bad experiences” or “dysfunctional groups”. I was in AA for six years, committed to service and the steps. I have always been a thinker and a questioner, but for most of my time in AA this was discouraged, and labelled “controlling” or “the disease”. It was disappointing to me that questioning the steps was discouraged, and that Step Study groups did little more than read the Big Book.

I saw so many people take on a genric “sprirituality” that seemed to obliterate their individuality. If i learnt anything in AA, it was to accept myself for who i am. I eventually decided that it was not healthy to constantly look at my “defects”, and that i actually like myself, analytical nature and all. If i stayed in AA, i would need to become someone i couldn’t respect. Teh alternative was to be sidelined. It therefore became necessary for me to leave AA to get well.

After leaving many things became clearer to me. I saw teh hypocrisy of claims that those who stay sober without meetings/the Steps/God, were either “dry drunks” or “not a real alcoholic”. One of my best friends in AA said this about someone we knew! When i said that AA was not the only way, she went all “sheepish” and didn’t know what to say. The problem with this is, when these “false alcoholics” comply, they are considered “alcoholic”, and told that without meetings/steps/God they will inevitably drink or die. AA tries to have it both ways.

Other issues i had were how AA claims credit for success stories, but says that failures are due to the individual. The program is perfect, it is individuals who fail. Trying to have it both ways again.

And on the God/HP subject, the only possible conclusion re: atheists is that they are either dry drunks, destined to drink, or they are not really alcoholics. This is incredibly disrespectful and condescending.

I also think it is condescending that members are told a HP can be anything. It is not possible for a doorknob to relieve someone of alcoholism. It has no will, and can’t remove defects. And those who consider “the group” their HP do not follow through on it by admitting their defects to the group, or asking the group re: its will for them on a daily basis. These types of teachings are condescending and patronising, and do not stand up to questioning. They either reduce God to little more than a psychological construct, or they are designed to “soften-up” the atheist to eventually accept a theistic God.

I would like to reiterate that i did not have “negative experiences” in AA. But it is fundamentally a faith-healing program that discourages questioning on the part of its members, and as such it is logical that people might have a problem with it. What i experienced was not “fringe AA”. It was core AA, which i was a part of for a good 4.5 years.

When i told my friends i was not attending meetings any more, they saw it as farewell. They no longer call – just like the fair-weather friends from the bar. The “fellowhip” of AA is highly conditional. Since i left, i have never felt better. But i suspect they would not want to hear that.

I go back and forth on the nothing bit too. But I figure it doesn’t really matter what I believe. If, at the time, I find I’m more comfortable with the need to believe that I sweetly float off into the clouds, then that’s what I’ll go for.

Thank you for the advice Paul – following sounds good. In a way that’s what I’ve been doing so far. I don’t instigate conversations on the subject. I leave it up to her. I’ve been worried about what to do at the time but really, she’ll be in charge so I’m good to follow her lead and just be there for her when she needs me.
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