Avoiding the Internet Haters
There is a lot of negative speech on the web; it can sometimes be hard for me not to get caught up in it. In my last post I discussed the importance of thinking about other people and how this can bring a lot of happiness to my own life (see here). Of course, just thinking about other people isn’t going to be any guarantee of well-being; especially if this thinking involves focusing on what is wrong with other people.
Martyn from Beyond the Mango Juice made a good point when he commented on my last post. I do tend to be more focused on the failings of others when my own life is bumpy – I suspect this is true of most people. During my lowest periods I can become almost obsessed with different groups that I might view as the enemy; even political parties in countries where I don’t even vote. As my own life improves so does my tolerance of other people, but I don’t like the idea of my tolerance being so tied to my own well-being. If I hit a bad patch in life again will I go back to mean-spirited judgments against people I don’t even know?
critically The Web Has Become a Haven for Haters
The internet has brought so much good to my life, but there are also things that are not so great about it. There can be a lot of negativity, and web folk who seem to devote their lives to spreading this ill-will around. No matter what your personal bigotry or intolerance you will find a welcome home on the web where you will receive encouragement from like-minded souls. It is not my business to judge these people, but I think it is important to avoid them as much as possible. Sometimes it does feel like negativity is a disease that can be caught from groups of people. Mean-spiritedness, arrogance, and being overly judgmental, eat away at our sanity and destroy any hope we have of finding real happiness.
There is a lot wrong in the world but focusing on this is not helpful for me. Helping people is always going to trump hating them, and this has to start from thinking positively about them. I know that I can’t help anyone if I secretly despise them or somehow think I’m better than them. Of course the number of people that I could possibly help in my lifetime is miniscule; especially as it is not in my nature to help people. I’m fairly certain though that even this miniscule effort will do a lot more good than just being negative. There are always plenty of justifications to be negative about different groups, but this type of activity is a luxury that I can’t afford; it also doesn’t lead anywhere that I want to go.
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Hi Paul,
As an example of negativity, participating in certain Thailand teaching forums here should carry a warning to new users and old hands alike.
I find that in forums you have a hierarchy of people. It starts with maybe a senior poster who’ll try his luck and flame someone for putting a question forward that has maybe been asked many times before.
This put down will usually follow in a very rude manner. If the posters dislikes this and bites back, then out of nowhere come the other less bold forum members who then follow the senior members lead by nipping at the newcomer. (Kinda like social proof / looking for acceptance and standing amongst the pack)
In the above case it can be seen as a kind of ritual where senior members have to show some kind of dominance in their own domain thus proving that they are the masters of that particular few megabytes of cyber space. The rest of the pack when shown the lead are then given permission by the senior member to go in like a pack of wolves to devour the left over scraps.(A bit like a tag team)
The people that participate in such acts are themselves caught up in a downward spiral of self worthlessness. Subconsciously they see the newcomer as a potential threat to their long standing superiority, and fear that they’ll eventually be knocked off the number one spot by the new kid in town, which then leads to the above scenario unfolding.
Hi Mark, unfortunately this is how a lot of forums end up working. There can be a pack mentality and people forget that there are real humans on the other end of the computer keyboard – it seems to be a lot easier to unite people around negativity and I’m not sure why that is. I know on some of the Thai forums if you say anything positive about Thailand they accuse you of wearing rose tinted glasses or that you have not been living in Thailand long enough. They will spend their time criticizing everything Thai, but claim that the do it because they love the country so much. Some forums are patrolled by some very strong personalities, who see the forum as their own personal fiefdom, and if you don’t work hard to fit in with them you will be bullied out of the group – this is not just Thai forums but across the board.
I’ve decided that forums are mostly places where people complain so I avoid them. Sometimes you really need the info so you have to quickly weed through the babble. Sigh. I wish this was not so.
Wouldn’t it be great if you could limit your search on forums in the same way as you can do with a Google search? You could visit one of these forums type in the keyword for the information you were looking for and then just add “minus whining and bitching”. You would then only get relevant information – that would be so cool 🙂
Paul thanks for the link, really appreciated.
Forums, forums, forums…..that’s the place to avoid if you don’t want negative vibes.
It does seem that way Martyn; although there are a couple of meditation forums where I occasionally post that aren’t too bad – although even there you will sometimes see flame wars.
Hi. In blog terms, I’ve enabled comments moderation, but I’ve been lucky so far. But then again I avoid controversial topics… Best
Hi Ana, I’ve never really had any comments on here that were too negative. I try not to write anything too controversial too, but I suppose it’s very subjective.
Paul, A good post which just slightly raises the lid of a right old can of worms. Forums locally make my blood boil sometimes with insensitivity, misleading and damn right rude commentary.
Pity because they can be a great resource and sounding board in my opinion.
One of my favourite Thai web sites has recently joined forces with a large forum. The content remains good and interesting but the comments they now attract have made me stop subscribing to the comment feed because my inbox was crammed with verbal poo most of the time.
Hi Mike, there is a lot of misleading information on some of the local web forums; it stays there indefinitely to trip up new people looking for information on the subject. The worrying thing is that a lot of the information is connected to important legal and practical issues of living in Thailand. There are some great blogs and websites (your one included) providing much better information; unfortunately though, the fact that these forums are so popular means that their threads tend to do well in search results.
I blame a lot of negativity / aggressive behaviour in society these days on the media.
Lets take an example… Person A likes to watch a lot of TV. His favorite program is Eastenders(a very dismal depressing soap opera in the uk) He is then exposed to so much of this aggressive behaviour that it begins to rub off on him / her at a subconscious level, and he or she starts to copy what they’ve seen on TV. I’ve witnessed this in the UK everywhere, people become brain deadened by tv and start to copy the characters aggressive mannerisms, facial expressions and language.
On screen these aggressive loud mouthed characters are seen as strong people who always dominate and prosper. The ordinary joe public sees this as the way to go, and they in turn aspire to it. All contact with reality has been lost.
Now the net. The internet is a great place for people to flame and generally be rude. Most keyboard jockeys falsely believe that they can sit behind a computer screen and say what they want no matter how hurtful or rude it might be, because nobody knows who they are or where they live. In reality these people wouldn’t say boo to a goose!
Hi Mark, I’m sure the media does play a part in it. I think people have become a lot more opinionated and most of us will have a view on practically every subject. It is not so much that we have these views but that we have been brought up to believe that sharing them is our right (maybe even our duty!). With so many people patrolling the web convinced that they have all the answers it is little wonder that problems arise.
I no longer post much on Thai forums for the same reasons. It’s just not worth the bother. Most Thai forums have a high testosterone level and enough posting have left their good sense elsewhere. About four comments into a post, the “mine is bigger than yours” starts. And mods wielding their power like schizophrenic cavemen with clubs doesn’t always help.
What Thailand needs is a decent forum for expats. I don’t mean for the Sunday school crowd, but for adults with something interesting to say.
Hi Catherine, I fully agree. On some forums the moderators can be as bad as the most obnoxious poster – especially if they fear that you are challenging their authority. The thing that really put me off Thai forums was that when I really needed information it could be hard to get a response; if I just started a thread on something trivial though there would be hundreds of replies.
Good food for thought going on here. Whenever I get too far down a thread in some of the forums here in Thailand Godwin’s Law comes enivitably to mind (Godwin’s Law states: As an online discussion grows longer, the probability of a comparison involving Nazis or Hitler approaches 1) though I would like to posit an ammendment to the law for Thailand that states: As an online discussion grows longer, the probability of someone telling someone else that if they don’t like it they should go back to their own country approaches 1.
I wonder whether requiring people to use their own names rather than pseudonyms and avatars would make a differnce to people’s politeness levels and the quality of the discussions that follow. It would be interesting to know what’s going on behing Rupert Murdoch’s paywall in this regard.
Hi Hamish, I fully believe Godwin’s law and have seen how this works many times. You can always depend on somebody to suggest during Thai related discussions, “that if people don’t like it they should go home”- the results are predictable. It would be interesting to see what would happen if people did use their own names all the time on forums- I’m fairly certain that it would make a huge difference. I do use a nick on a lot of forums, but I’ve never made any attempt to hide my identity as I’ll usually have a link back to my website.
Paul, there certainly is a lot of hating going on out there on the net. Just the anonymous nature of it all makes people feel that they can do or say anything….forums are definitely high on the list of places to avoid unless you have a very thick skin these days.
Hi Talen, you are right about how the anonymous nature of the web can mean that people will behave in ways they wouldn’t if their identity were known. I would imagine that most people have a dark side and the internet can be an ideal venue to let this person cause havoc.
This is an interesting account by a blogger/journalist on when he bit back at the internet haters:
http://edition.cnn.com/2011/OPINION/01/21/pearlman.online.civility/index.html
Turns out all they want is to be loved 🙂
Hi Hamish – great article. I guess a lot of these internet warriors are meek and still live with their mums 🙂
Hamish that’s an interesting post. I’ve been debating just this week about tracking down an anonymous email. Problem is, with anonymous emails in Thailand you might need the help of the authorities. And once the email is in their hands, they decide what to do about it.
One does feel powerless when faced with something unpleasent in the inbox. My view is to add them to the spam list and try to forget about it – “This too shall pass” -i-
Hamish, not everything rubbed off on me during my church going days, but this one did make an impression: “revenge… is mine”.
😉
It puts power back into play.
Very interesting reading, blog and replies, including the great link from Hamish. I myself have been active in different Thai forums over the last few years, just to get tired, because of the reasons mentioned here.
Luckily I found a small Thai forum, that seems down to earth. The few regular members mostly respect each others. We don’t have to always agree with each others, but we can sort out disagreements in an adult educated way.
That forum is a nice place to get information about Thailand or just talk about things that are mostly Thailand related. I got to admit, that it’s not all positive and we may pull each others leg once in while, but we do so with respect.
A reason I like blog sites like yours or Steve’s, amongst others, is because it seems that mostly mature and well educated people comment in them. Of course, there is always a joker, who tries to disrupt some peaceful blog commentaries, as I had to find out in my guestblog in Steve’s site. But I guess that’s the way it is…
By the way Paul, what is this COMMENTLUV thing below?
Hi Paco, I once had over 3,000 posts on one of the Thai forums, but now hardly ever visit them. I feel so lucky on this website because all the people who comment are interesting and nice. It is believed that having a bit of controversy on a blog is a good thing, and that negative comments is a sign of a good post. I think that there is a lot of truth in this, but I try to avoid arguing these days.
The Commentluv app allows people to link back to their own posts on their website when they comment
Agree with you Paul. And thanks for the Commentluv explanation.